The News

Sometimes, I am reminded that I am very far away from home.

These moments can come at any time. A classic example is whenever I enter a hotel room, and see an arrow in the ceiling indicating the direction of Mecca (for praying purposes) - pointing west.

It can also come from something as simple as reading the news.

The following is from the UAE's most respected independent newspaper, a couple of months back.

The whole thing is good, but the second paragraph is just genius.

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The Nation

Police and The Courts

Lovers exchange blows after man breaks wind

By Bassam Za'za', Senior Reporter
Published: March 05, 2008, 00:37

Dubai: Two lovers are standing trial for having an illicit
relationship and exchanging blows after the man broke wind while in
bed.

The Dubai Public Prosecution charged the Asian man with having
consensual sex with his compatriot female who was also charged with
allowing him to sleep with her.

The duo, in their 20s, were also charged with hitting each other.

The lovers who stood trial before the Dubai Court of Misdemeanour on
Tuesday confessed to having an illicit relation.

When the judge asked them why they assaulted each other, the girl
claimed that her lover broke wind and they had a heated argument which
degenerated into an assault.

The two suspects, who are currently on bail, reported the fight to the police which questioned them before forwarding them to the Public Prosecution.

A ruling will be issued soon.

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I feel you need to know these things.

Hillary

I’ve been excited about Barack Obama as a candidate for the US presidency since I first saw him speak at the Democratic National Convention back in 2004, when I was volunteering for the Kerry campaign. I saw his original “Audacity of Hope” speech, and I was entranced – there was a man who could not only inspire, but had a chance to be the first black president; the son of an African man, no less.

I’ve been worried about Hillary being named the Democratic nominee in 2008 for just about as long. She is bright, capable and tenacious, and I agree with a lot of her policy stances. Unfortunately, the story doesn't end there. She inherited her husbands shifty politics but not his charm, his ability to compromise or his genuine ability and longing to connect with people of all classes and nationalities. Nevermind my personal opinion that she's shown a disturbing willingness to play dirty to win-at-all-costs. Rather, let's focus on the fact that she is the most divisive politician in the US not named George Bush – so much so that she has a genuine chance to lose independent voters, even as George Bush’s approval ratings dropped to the lowest levels of any US president ever (an impressive accomplishment – he is now slightly more unpopular than Nixon after Watergate). The Republicans, meanwhile, got smart and voted for McCain, who is as centrist as Republicans can be - and the independents love him.

If Hillary were the nominee, she would lose – and she would not only set Democrats back eight years, but also set women back 20 years.

Fortunately, we don’t have to worry about that. We haven’t had to worry about that for two months – which is how long the Democratic race has been over. For two months, Hillary’s only chance of getting the nomination has been that the superdelegates, that is, the party’s top 300 officials, decide that it’s a good idea to go against the will off hundreds of thousands of voters, particularly minorities and young voters, and stop the first black man ever from becoming the presidential nominee of a major US political party. In other words:

“We, the white middle-aged political elite of the US political party that stands for more equality, have decide that the voters made the wrong choice of presidential nominee, mostly because there were too many black people and young people voting. Clearly these groups don’t have the necessary wisdom to elect a presidential nominee. We are therefore going to overrule whatever the results of the vote may have been, and pick one of our own instead.”

This would amount to mass political suicide. It’s like declaring civil war on voters. It is not going to happen. Zimbabwe, maybe. I’d put my (admittedly limited) life savings on it in a heartbeat. Any takers?

So here’s my question: if the world media is absolutely up in arms about the possibility of an election being stolen in Zimbabwe, why has it been floating the above as a genuine and legitimate possibility?

Why have they been acting as if this race is still going on for the past two months?

Perhaps more seriously: why is Hillary still fighting the election she’s known is over for the past two months? Why did she pour six million dollars of her own money into the campaign in the past few weeks (after the donors realized it's over and stopped giving)? Is she genuinely interested in dividing the democrats to the point where she’ll seriously weaken Obama in the general election?

Does she want him to lose, so that she can take on McCain in 2012?

More Inspiration

This one is from my roots in Malawi - currently the world's poorest country. It's the story of a 14-year old Malawian, William Kamkwamba, whose family couldn't afford to keep him in school. But then he proceeded to design and build a windmill from a picture in library book, to provide his village with electricity.

As you do.

Inspiration

Traffic jam with zero movement. Late for where I need to be. South Asian music blaring in my ears. Frustrated, with a headache, and not in the mood for conversation. My Pakistani taxi driver is, though.

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Poor people hot, rich people cold.

… yes, I suppose that’s true.

But in cold you can cover yourself with anything. In hot no. You need air conditioning. Poor people don’t have air conditioning.

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I like one English song. “Don’t be shy”. You know?

Hmm. I think I know one song with that name. What else do you like?

I like Celine Dion. Titanic song. You like?

No… don’t like Celine Dion.

Why? She win many awards.

Its cheesy.

What is mean cheesy?

…

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I like another song: ‘Piss on me’. What is mean “Piss on me”?

… (ten seconds pass) I don’t know.

I think maybe I mispronounce.

I think so.

Because its rude.

Yes it is.

I try to play for you English song – nice song.

(Titanic song starts again, this time instrumental).

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I want to go to Europe.

Yes?

But it’s hard. Especially from Pakistan. Pakistani people involved in crime everywhere in the world. People from Pakistan go to Europe, they invent special bullet to make them unconscious and put them on plane to send back.

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Loud, exaggeratedly sensual porn star voice goes: “Excuse me darling… I have a message for you. Excuse me darling… I have a message for you.”

As I’m trying to figure out what on earth is going on, he answers his phone (in Urdu).

Not that I know what a porn star voice would sound like.

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At least he got me writing again.